Who Owes Me Three Dollars?

August 18, 2008

Poleasing the Internet

Filed under: Uncategorized — ineedsheetmusic @ 10:08 pm

Now for a quick diversion from the usual fare. Over the last 12 months I have been collecting snippets of comments on blogs on the Internet. Not just blogs but also from comboxes that places like ESPN have for basically all their sports articles.

I’ve had a form of this hobby that goes all the way back to my days as a CTA bus driver in Chicago. What I used to do driving around Chicago was "collect" signs that various small businesses would hang outside their establishments. I only remember one after all these years. It was a dry cleaning place somewhere in northwest Chicago that read: "5 hour service. In by 10 out by 5."

Now I collect spelling gaffes, homonym screw-ups and basically anything that serves to demonstrate the claim that America has a 30% illiteracy rate. And they’re really funny. Except (or is it "accept")  for those that just drive me crazy. One other thing – if you find yourself in here, sorry. If you know you should be here but are not, sorry again.

So, the first category consists of the ones – or is it "one’s" – that drive me crazy.

  • If you aren’t cheating, your not trying!?
  • Whose to say they are right in the first place, and where does it end?
  • He is a gutless pretty boy who’s time is passed.
  • for all intensive purposes.
  • There will be future incidences,
  • this is a move the yanks should of considered
  • here you have too classy guys that always give credit where credit is due
  • Others include Cal Ripken jr, tony gwynn and theirs probably some more

That first one –  "your" instead of "you’re" – is without a doubt the most common one I see. What really gets me on that one is to be consistent he should have said "If your not cheating, your not trying". But somehow he got it half right. Mixups with "their", "there", and "they’re" are pretty common but the one above is choice since it has a triple mistake. He was going for a "there is" and couldn’t muster up "there’s". I’m thinking "there are" was the ticket. Also, the "to", "too", and "two" mixup (which happens so often I stopped collecting them along with  its vs. it’s and the dropped apostrophes on possesives) nearly always manifests itself with a "to" where there should be a "too". Finding "too" instead of "two" is one of my prize finds.

This next category consists of goofy spelling blow-ups some of which also drive me a little crazy.

  •  it is very, very difficult for the country to make laws that require us to violate our religious tenants.
  • I’m not a legal begal.
  • I only like to watch the team I route for
  • albeit it is a testimate to . . . .
  • May his sole rot in the furnace below.
  • seek some out at the health food shop, it doe’s you good.
  • You reap what you sew
  • I have a brother named Joshua, by your rational, the Joshua mentioned in the Torah is my bro.
  • he hasn’t exactly been dominate in AA.
  • I would be much more conscience of the fact that I caught their ball in their ballpark.
  • In fact I may loose all of my potential readers after this post
  • this topic gets tossed immediately if it segways into that
  • As Tigers fans we were all worried that we wouldent be able to sign him.
  • I have been offered a trade that has peeked my interest.
  • I’m a diehard detroit fan so I am exstatic that we got the deal done.
  • shows how much faith they have in their new receiving core!
  • their roll has expanded as the season progresses.
  • put a steak in the ground.
  • Wie one shot off finaly reaching par at Evian Masters

That last one was an actual headline on an ESPN article. Reminds me of a commercial I saw quite some time ago when a national TV ad selling some car boasted about its "duel" carburetors.

This next category is a special category that consists of really bad gaffes made by those internet police who self-referentially screw up while pointing out stupid screw ups. Finding one of these is like finding gold.

  • Secondly to show more of Sheff’s ignorance he says " me and barry aint got no communication". Since I have taken a 3rd grade enlish class and a sixth grade math class in my life time I know that a double negative equals a posotive.
  • instead of trying to get in fights on the internet, stay in school and for god’s sake pick up an english book and learn how to spell and use proper grammer.
  • Uneducated bafoons Oh the irony
  • I was like that no-it-all in math class who couldn’t wait to show off

That last one is actually hard to classify. I guess he was policing himself and got it wrong while doing so.

This next category is also a special category. These are those gaffes that just look wrong but the correct word isn’t immediately obvious. In fact, these couple of errors go back to what got me started collecting internet screwups in the first place. I ran across someone who wrote the phrase "bear in mind". Somehow, that just struck me as funny, picturing some guy with a grizzly bear in his head. I just knew it was wrong and racked (or is it wracked) my brain trying to figure out the correct spelling. Well, obviously "bear in mind" is not a mistake. I just thought it was. However, these two are actual mistakes that not only look wrong but are wrong:

  • Sounds pretty wreckless to me
  • Because you give away tickets to people who only want to see guys stand and wail on each other.

This next group are right up there as my favorites. They just make me laugh.

  • As to Frank Thomas-well if he is not a shoe in then I do not know why.
  • if I snitch u might wined up dead
  • He has have had a very negative attitude
  • then you can leave with your dignity in tack
  • See exactly how (and whom) wins it all.
  • They have been warned before, and just like the players in this league that use HGH or other illegal performance drugs, should be punished unmercilessly.

These last two are my (so far) all time favorites.

  • Ooops… There are no missals in Cuba should read there are no Missles in Cuba…
  •  "I didn’t hit nobody," Cabrera said Saturday, speaking through a translator

Comments for this post are on, but be careful. I’m offering a free burrito for the reader that is the first to spot a mistake of my own here, not counting punctuation.

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  1. You said: “This next group are right up there as my favorites.”

    I’ll take that burrito.

    “Group” is singular, ergo, “is” rather than “are”.

    And arguably, you should say “with” my favorites, rather than “as”, because typically, if these last two ARE your favorites, then they aren’t “right up there”, because “right up there” means that they’re near the top, not AT or ON the top. So if you want to say “right up there”, then you need to say “with” instead of “as”, in order to consistently convey the idea that these last two are “among” your favorites, but not your very favorites.

    I’ll take a cigar rather than a burrito when I get back.


    Comment by Echo_ohcE — August 19, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

  2. …unless you’d like to argue that the word “group” is like the word “data”.

    Comment by Echo_ohcE — August 19, 2008 @ 2:09 pm

  3. You got it. I knew it would be something. No arguments from me. And the cigar is yours.

    Comment by Bruce S. — August 19, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

  4. You know one of my beefs, golf announcers who use the tennis quote,”unforced error”.
    A second one is sports announcers (former jocks)who apparently are attempting to appear educated and use the subjective where the objective should be used. For example, “it is for I”.

    Comment by dad — August 20, 2008 @ 4:48 am

  5. Wow. Do I get a burrito for dominating your list or errors?

    I also like that you’ve adopted my tradition of giving away burrito’s (;-))

    Comment by danielbalc — August 23, 2008 @ 11:00 am

  6. Do I get a burrito for dominating your list or errors?

    How many of these do you recognize as yours? And as for the burrito, I have to give you credit there.

    Comment by Bruce S. — August 23, 2008 @ 8:19 pm

  7. At least 8.

    But then again I’ve made so many of those mistakes it’s difficult to tell.

    Comment by danielbalc — August 24, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

  8. “We agree we should speak some English,” Pak said, according to the report. “We play so good overall. When you win, you should give your speech in English.”

    It doesn’t have to be good English, just English, apparently.

    Comment by Bruce S. — August 26, 2008 @ 8:16 am

  9. You got blow-ups right but missed mixups.

    Comment by Pablo Honey — August 27, 2008 @ 1:47 pm

  10. I also like that you’ve adopted my tradition of giving away burrito’s (;-))

    I hate to be a killjoy, but was that smiley because you said “burrito’s” instead of “burritos” on purpose?

    Comment by RubeRad — August 29, 2008 @ 5:45 am

  11. Yes.

    And it does kind of kill it that you had to ask.

    Comment by danielbalc — August 29, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

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